Animal Olympics @Watermans
Friday, February 12, 2010, 11:23 AM
If you have kids and/or an emotional age of 4 - 11, please come down to Watermans in Brentford on the 14th February at 3pm, where me and the plush toys will be performing 'Animal Olympics'.

Alternatively, if you are looking for a wackily alternative/weirdly inappropriate Valentine's Day date, this could be the very thing.

"Celebrate the Chinese New Year - the year of the Tiger with Animal Olympics by Francesca Beard. This is a storytelling show featuring all the animals from the Chinese Zodiac in an Olympics talent show..."

Box Office 020 8232 1010
Watermans 40 High Street Brentford TW8 0DS


Oh and it's the first day of the New Year, year of the Golden Tiger.




Horror, then Sublimity
Friday, February 12, 2010, 11:00 AM
On Thursday afternoon, I got savaged by a teacher. It's an occupational hazard of working in schools. Most times, most times, the teachers I get to work with a remarkable human beings, emotionally intelligent, generous, collaborative, adventurous. But there's always one, mad as a snake, sometimes superficially friendly who'll out of nowhere, pulls a Lady Macbeth in the middle of a mid-term evaluation.

Even at Primary school level, there's a huge amount of box-ticking regarding the curriculum that teachers feel pressurised to do. From what I understand, the Government introduced the National Curriculum to ensure that all children would receive a structured and sound education in order to protect against sub-par teachers. These measures keep teachers in line with a set of goals that need to be achieved at set times.

If you are a talented teacher with a sensitive awareness of your class as individuals and as a group, the National Curriculum severely limits the possibility of creative teaching. One of the ways of getting round this is to invite artists into the classroom, ideally for an extended period of time. Agencies like Apples & Snakes, Eastside Educational Trust, AND and Creative Partnerships specialise in these residencies which allow teachers to create some space in their classrooms for play, taking risks, making mistakes and experimenting - all things that are helpful to learning.

But often in these residencies, you work with more than that one teacher who really gets it. And even though the other teachers appreciate the principle of the exercise, they can often find the process really destabilising.

It's totally understandable. Once the artist swans out of the classroom where they magically appear like a pixie of chaos for one lesson a week, it's the teacher who has to get the class back on the literacy, numeracy, box-ticking track. Which is why it takes a significant amount of communication and trust for it to work. And why it sometimes doesn't.

And when it doesn't, it's hideous. Oh, the drama. The bitchery. The froideur of the staffroom. Like Heathers meets a Government Health and Safety Campaign.

And the bad news is that it's only half-term. But the kids, the kids are unusually lovely. And so is the main teacher. And the other artist. And the creative producer. So. Well then.

And the sublimity? I had the joy of performing with John Hegley and Michael Rosen at the Queen Elizabeth Hall yesterday. I've learnt so much from both of them over the years and every time I see them perform, I learn more.

John went on first as he had a thing in Edinburgh later. He asked the audience to welcome me onto the stage as cats.(there is backstory but it's too random) A whole QEH-worth basket of kittens, though. I can still hear the mewing. It'll be with me for ever. In the darkest moments (further installments coming soon, see above) I will reach to my memories and wrap that sound around me, a warm blanket of miaow.

Michael did a new poem about how your parents love your brother more than you. It started light, funny, then got honest, sad, fierce, a moment of pure angst and then, a three-quarter way twist that spun the whole thing to delight without taking any of the darkness away. Genius.

I saw Michael do a set for grown-ups at an Apples gig in Cargo and he was brilliant, it was a revelation. I wish he'd do more adult performances (always sounds dirty, don't it?) but he says people always bring their kids along and he doesn't mind really.

Here's a random pic of some Vietnamese deities.



Imagine at the Southbank
Monday, February 8, 2010, 03:30 PM
'Cargoes' by John Masefield, performed by Francesca Beard

Poet and writer Francesca Beard recites Cargoes by John Masefield as one of her influential poems. Performed to showcase IMAGINE - the UKs brightest childrens festival, at the Southbank Centre.Film made by videojournalist/ film maker and artist in residence David Dunkley Gyimah

This was filmed by the wonderful David Gyimah for Imagine 2010 at the Southbank

John Hegley did Tarantella, by Hilaire Belloc. John and I will be joining Michael Rosen on the 11th Feb at 11am to launch his anthology, The A - Z of Poetry. I am very excited as Michael and John are heroes. It's like performing with Spiderman and Batman, except better as I don't think those two wrote and performed their own poems. Maybe Pete. Def not the Dark Knight. Though actually, I can imagine Wayne being all emo and writing down stuff, but you know, never to be shared.



I wish I was called Hilaire Belloc. Though perhaps I wouldn't have been teased at school and as a result become a poet. Oh no, wait.
BookSlam
Tuesday, January 12, 2010, 08:40 PM


Thursday, January 14, 2010
Book Slam @ The Tabernacle
Powis Square, London, W11 2AY
Doors open at 6pm, stuff starts at 8pm
Tickets:
£6 advance/ £8 door

Put aside your resolutions and your indifference and come retox at the first Book Slam of the new decade. Please note, we've gone mid-month on account of all sorts of forthcoming shenanigans. Our guests include: -
JON MCGREGOR - Booker-listed for both 'If Nobody Speaks Of Remarkable Things' and 'So Many Ways To Begin', he'll be reading from his forthcoming novel, 'Even The Dogs'. Jon's one of the best contempary writers I've read and one of the worst footballers I've ever seen ...
JOSEPHINE ONIYAMA - just the most tender and entrancing singer-songwriter ('an old soul singer in a beautiful young girl' - Guy Garvey [Elbow]).
DAN ANTOPOLSKI - the smartest Antopolski on Brixton Hill and winner of the funniest joke at the Edinburgh Festival.
Hosted by the incomparable FRANCESCA BEARD - poet, raconteur and every child's favourite grown-up.
happy Christmas
Thursday, December 24, 2009, 01:43 AM
Hey there.

Doing the Xmas present wrapping. Present wrapping, like taxes and death, is better drunk.

Not sure about the death bit. Still.I like to gamble drunk.

Cabaret Simon is going guns. Thanks for asking.

I love my Cab Simon crew. We got the Spirit of the Blitz thing going on.

Probably because we are being paid £peanuts an hour. It's a show for 4 -10 yr olds. I do this vaguely improvised thing. Just before I go on, they line up and spunk me with the most catchy, sparkling profanities their putrid, sicko minds can dredge up.

Just discovered Vampire Weekend.
Oxford Comma. Swoon.

I want to be in a band again. Lyrics are flowing out my fingertips.

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