Imagine at the Southbank
Monday, February 8, 2010, 03:30 PM
'Cargoes' by John Masefield, performed by Francesca Beard

Poet and writer Francesca Beard recites Cargoes by John Masefield as one of her influential poems. Performed to showcase IMAGINE - the UKs brightest childrens festival, at the Southbank Centre.Film made by videojournalist/ film maker and artist in residence David Dunkley Gyimah

This was filmed by the wonderful David Gyimah for Imagine 2010 at the Southbank

John Hegley did Tarantella, by Hilaire Belloc. John and I will be joining Michael Rosen on the 11th Feb at 11am to launch his anthology, The A - Z of Poetry. I am very excited as Michael and John are heroes. It's like performing with Spiderman and Batman, except better as I don't think those two wrote and performed their own poems. Maybe Pete. Def not the Dark Knight. Though actually, I can imagine Wayne being all emo and writing down stuff, but you know, never to be shared.



I wish I was called Hilaire Belloc. Though perhaps I wouldn't have been teased at school and as a result become a poet. Oh no, wait.
BookSlam
Tuesday, January 12, 2010, 08:40 PM


Thursday, January 14, 2010
Book Slam @ The Tabernacle
Powis Square, London, W11 2AY
Doors open at 6pm, stuff starts at 8pm
Tickets:
£6 advance/ £8 door

Put aside your resolutions and your indifference and come retox at the first Book Slam of the new decade. Please note, we've gone mid-month on account of all sorts of forthcoming shenanigans. Our guests include: -
JON MCGREGOR - Booker-listed for both 'If Nobody Speaks Of Remarkable Things' and 'So Many Ways To Begin', he'll be reading from his forthcoming novel, 'Even The Dogs'. Jon's one of the best contempary writers I've read and one of the worst footballers I've ever seen ...
JOSEPHINE ONIYAMA - just the most tender and entrancing singer-songwriter ('an old soul singer in a beautiful young girl' - Guy Garvey [Elbow]).
DAN ANTOPOLSKI - the smartest Antopolski on Brixton Hill and winner of the funniest joke at the Edinburgh Festival.
Hosted by the incomparable FRANCESCA BEARD - poet, raconteur and every child's favourite grown-up.
happy Christmas
Thursday, December 24, 2009, 01:43 AM
Hey there.

Doing the Xmas present wrapping. Present wrapping, like taxes and death, is better drunk.

Not sure about the death bit. Still.I like to gamble drunk.

Cabaret Simon is going guns. Thanks for asking.

I love my Cab Simon crew. We got the Spirit of the Blitz thing going on.

Probably because we are being paid £peanuts an hour. It's a show for 4 -10 yr olds. I do this vaguely improvised thing. Just before I go on, they line up and spunk me with the most catchy, sparkling profanities their putrid, sicko minds can dredge up.

Just discovered Vampire Weekend.
Oxford Comma. Swoon.

I want to be in a band again. Lyrics are flowing out my fingertips.
CABARET SIMON!
Friday, December 11, 2009, 10:01 AM
I've been at the Barbican, rehearsing for Cabaret Simon.

It's great. Really classy. I'm ridiculously unequivocally positive about this one.




Cabaret Simon - A variety show for 4-10 year olds
Lone Twin and Stuart Silver
16 - 31 December 2009 / 12:00, 18:00, 13:00, 16:30, 15:00
The Pit

Tickets: All seats £6.50
No discounts apply
subject to availability


Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, prepare to be amazed this festive season by Cabaret Simon.

Meet your irrepressible host and master of ceremonies, Simon, holder of the unequalled title of World’s Funniest Simon.

This unforgettable extravaganza brings together a truly remarkable band of entertainers in a show that’s intriguing, surprising and magical. Join us for this sensational seasonal spectacular.

The acts are: word wizard Francesca Beard ; flamenco dervish Samantha Quy ; double-act Anti-Frizz , who take on the challenge to create the world’s fastest panto ; madcap mind-bending experimenter Little Professor Walton; Kwabana Lindsay , as the clumsiest circus performer ever to fall from a stage and Mr Melon whose terrible secret will soon be revealed.

Performance time: Start times vary - see booking page
Running time: 45 mins/no interval
Latecomers will not be admitted
Age guidance 4—10 years
No unaccompanied adults, under 16s must be accompanied by an adult

Produced and commissioned by barbicanbite09 in association with Lone Twin
Directed by Lone Twin and Stuart Silver
Co-devised by Lone Twin, Stuart Silver and Guy Dartnell
Performed by Guy Dartnell
In consultation with the Children’s Forum at
Discover, Stratford, East London
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3 Gigs um today.
Thursday, December 3, 2009, 10:46 AM
Continuing my super-moronic tradition of crap marketing, I'm announcing some very up-coming gigs.

First two are at 1.30pm and 4.30pm today. Hey, I'm still in my pjamas and have yet to do my OCD yoga, so if I can make it to

SPIN @
The Half Moon YPT,
43 White Horse Lane, London E1 0ND

so can you. It's for ages 8 - 11. I guess that means mental ages too. If you are 8 - 11 you should not be reading this blog, unless your mental age is over 18. If you are over 18, you can be reading this blog, no matter what your mental age. I'll take what I can get, and frankly, my expectations, like my standards are low. Plus, my abilities.

OK. this evening, I'm planning to do something new. I've amazed myself. That's at least one person. The picture below probably accurately reflects John's face when I tell him I plan to do something new. Because the rest of the show is going to be quality.



Tonight: The Fix Presents... at the Camden Head. It will clearly be an embarrassment of talent, featuring John Hegley, Simon Munnery, Nathan Penlington and MC Stephen Carlin) And me. Doors 7.30pm





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